Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re saying – you’re a dude, you lost your hair, get on with it. And honestly that’s how I thought it would be. Shave it clean and walk around like Pit Bull, that’s what I’d do. Until the reality of it actually hit.
When I was diagnosed in February of 2013, my doc told me my hair would be gone in two weeks. Well one week went by, two, three, four weeks. I started to think maybe I’d be one of the lucky ones. Then it began, patches started coming out in different places and after a few days there was no hiding it, it was time for the razor. I was still thinking, “I got this”.
I never really contemplated that it would be so shocking, seeing a totally bald me looking back in the mirror. I know a lot of guys lose their hair of course and I’m pretty sure a lot of them don’t particularly like it. But you generally have time to grow into it. I went from thick Adam Levine hair one week to none at all in a couple more. And yeah, it affected me more than I imagined it would. I mean, there are so many terrible things that happen in the world, how can I even think this is a big deal. But inside it was.
So I started wearing caps – like all the time. And I would definitely not leave the house without one. I just didn’t see myself as a guy without hair, I guess I saw myself as a guy with cancer and everybody else saw the same thing. I knew I needed to get over that and so one time when I took my parents to the buffet at the casino I decided to take my cap off. Then some lady kept staring at me and I kept getting more and more uncomfortable. I mean, she could have been staring at me for anything (maybe she thought I was all that, LOL), but to me I thought she must know I have cancer. So I put the cap back on and didn’t take it off again. I wouldn’t take or post any bald pics, even though people asked me to.
Then I saw a flyer for Turning Heads Project at Gilda’s Club and I checked it out. It seemed to me to be more for women but I sent a message. Then Debbie called me back and told me they would love to have their first guy photo shoot, she knew guys were affected emotionally by cancer too, even though we sometimes like to act like we’re not (you know, the strong, silent type, heh, heh). She arranged it, I went in and there was Debbie and Stacy and Olga (along with Stacy’s husband Jimmy). Let me tell you, these ladies are AWESOME!! It was a blast and the pics are pretty dang good I have to admit, lol. I realized I didn’t just look like the cancer guy, I just looked like a guy. And even if anyone thought I had cancer – so what, I do. I still wear caps sometimes, mostly to protect my head from the sun, but just as often not and I’m okay with it. So yeah, I do have this!!
A true inspiration in deed, you will touch so many as you have me. Although I know you personally and am so blessed for it and for everything you have tought me through out the years, I am more blessed because you continue to teach and inspire me even more. These are amazing portraits and this is a wonderful organization. Thank you -turningheadsproject.org and thank you for sharing with us all. This will change someone’s life and inspire them as you have already done so, only the way you know how to!! Fabulous!!
Thanks for sharing your experience. You look fab!