Beverley

After years of persuading my hairstylist to ‘allow’ me to grow my hair long, she finally acquiesced and we were on a plan to get my hair all the way down to my breasts- and it didn’t have far to go.I was sitting in the hairstylist’s chair admiring my long sleek look when my cell phone rang. “The results are back. And it’s positive.” Once I told my husband Chuck the biopsy result was positive for breast cancer, my very next thought was: I AM GOING TO LOSE MY HAIR! ALL THESE GREAT BLONDE LOCKS ARE GOING TO BE GONE VERY SOON!”

Bev’s Baldness came into being 1 week after my 2^nd chemotherapy cycle. My hair fell out in clumps leaving masses on my pillow and around the house like dust balls, moving across the hardwood floor as if they were tumbleweed blown across the dry arid desert. Besides seeing my hair everywhere it was distressing to feel patches of my scalp as I rubbed my hands through my hair, pulling out more and more with each pass through of my hands. It was time to shave it all off- and so we did. My husband shaved my head in what was a very intimate act for both of us.

It was cold and exposing without hair, and each time I walked by the mirror I took a few steps back in shock and horror- who was this weird, extraterrestrial looking back at me from the mirror? If I had this reaction I was sure that anyone else who saw me hairless would recoil in shock. I made s conscious decision never to be seen out without a wig, and possibly a hat on top of the wig to make sure that the wig stayed on securely. I especially did not want to be seen with a bandanna on my head- to me that spoke up as a flashing neon sign saying “Cancer! Cancer!”

Wearing wigs got very tedious, especially through the hot summer months. The wigs did not make me look or feel like me , no matter how much I brushed and prodded and worked at them to try to make me look and feel as I once did. They looked fake and I wasn’t one for the fake look. But I saw no solution and I persevered on with the discomfort and my mother’s words: “you have to suffer to look beautiful!”

Since having had a mastectomy for breast cancer, my body image had changed from one of super comfort, love and amazement; to one of fear and alienation- was this deformed body now my own? Adding to this was the bald head I was now toting around with me. I felt and looked like a freak- or so I thought…until Turning Heads came into my life and changed that all around for me. Debbie and Stacy called me and explained their project and their mission. I was sold, but I never imagined that I would have the confidence to go out of the front door bald, let alone out for dinner or even a walk on the beach.

Stacy photographed me with my bald head in many different outfits that Debbie so gracefully and skillfully put together including earrings and scarves, while Olga touched up my make-up, continuously making sure to have me look beautiful. We laughed and since I wasn’t allowed to cry, as I would have had the wrath of Olga on me, we shared happy stories and ones of love. And that is what I felt- complete love and acceptance and non-judgment from all. I chose a word that best described my experience of the day, i.e., POWER. I felt empowered by taking the step to take off my wig!

I have since eliminated my wig and wear a hat only to avoid the cold. I have been freed. I have been empowered- all thanks to the amazing Turning Heads Project- how can I thank these wonderful angels?- by letting the world know I am a complete woman even without hair.