I just finished chemotherapy and I’m waiting to start hormone therapy for the next five years. At this point in time, I am in the middle of transition and have not been able to “cross the bridge.” I’m still trying to wrap my head around what I have just been through. My dreaded diagnosis of stage IIB breast cancer, the constant assaults on my body with surgeries, weekly lab sticks to the point where I have no veins left to stick all, the suffering with weakness nausea and pain from chemotherapy, and the effects of chemo, mainly considerable numbness in the tips of my fingers and fatiguing easily, and of facing an uncertain future. All I am really feeling right now is just relieved. I’m not particularly metaphysical or religious but I am spiritual. I am Mother Earth with my feet planted firmly on terra cotta, so I have viewed my entire cancer experience on a rather factual and practical basis. I have not sought out peace, joy, happiness, positivity or even necessarily gratefulness, having been too overwhelmed with physical and mental misery
My mom and oldest son live with me. I hate it for them to see me suffer so much as my mom is 88 and extremely frail. I had to work during my entire chemotherapy treatment but that is the only thing I could do, even on days when I could not even sit up or talk. With a business to run, there is never any downtime. But they, in turn, did everything else, rubbed my back, did all the errands, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. The support they gave me was unparalleled, coupled with their love and willingness to help in any way they could.
All in all losing my hair did not seem like a big deal to me. In fact, it was actually liberating. Taking care of my hair always seem like such a chore that I never seem to have the energy for that. When I walked into my oncologist office and read the pamphlet about Turning Heads everything changed for me. I became excited for the first time in I do not know how long. Could someone actually make me look beautiful again? I have not been out in public for six months (with the exception of medical visits) because I did not want to expose myself to unnecessary germs, could not afford to become sick. Now I cannot wait for my hair to grow back and upon learning about Turning Heads I felt I could see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time. With their wonderful and caring approach to our plight, I think I’m ready to cross the bridge to the other side.